40 Hillarious Major Payne Quotes

By Milan Dhameliya 7 Min Read
Memorable Major Payne Quotes

These 40 Hillarious Major Payne Quotes are specifically curated for comedy enthusiasts. If you have a penchant for laughter, then these quotes are tailor-made for you. Major Payne, a highly successful comedy film released in 1995, revolves around the life of a retired US military officer who will undoubtedly tickle your funny bone. The protagonist’s character is exceptionally humorous, leaving a lasting impression on you. So, don’t miss out on these Major Payne Quotes that are guaranteed to bring you immense joy and excitement.

Let’s check these Major Payne Quotes, Best Major Payne Quotes, and Memorable Major Payne Quotes.

Best Major Payne Quotes

  • “Got no worries, got no stress.” – Major Payne
  • “Now you might feel a little pressure.” – Major Payne
  • “I’m not here to be nice, I’m here to teach.” – Major Payne
  • “One! Don’t you feel dumb. Two! Look at you. Three! Don’t you ever make jokes about me behind my back, or else I’ll stomp you into the ground.” – Major Payne
  • “Let me tell you something, I am not your damn brother!” – Major Payne

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Major Payne Quotes
  • “I ain’t frigid.” – Major Payne
  • “Don’t push the ‘maybes,’ baby.” – Major Payne
  • “A true warrior always finds a way to win.” – Major Payne
  • “You hold it, or else I’ll break it off, and kick it around on the ground!” – Major Payne
  • “The ABCs of being a positive male role model?” – Major Payne

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Best Major Payne Quotes
  • “Maybe I like you.”  – Major Payne
  • “A bullet. It’s somethin’ special. It’s from my heart.”  – Major Payne
  • “Weakness has no place in my unit.” – Major Payne
  • “Who’s the person that got me this blood on this lip? Who’s responsible? Don’t all run at once. Maybe no one’s responsible. I just had it comin’!” – Major Payne
  • “Be advised, ladies. We are going to win the Virginia Military Games this year! You will note my emphasis on the word WIN: Whisky! India! November! Get used to the sound of that word!” –Major Payne
Hillarious Major Payne Quotes
  • “From my heart left ventricle; took it out myself with a field knife.” – Major Payne
  • “Compliance with the rules is non-negotiable.” – Major Payne
  • “Fee-fi-fo-fum. What beanstalk you fall from?” – Major Payne
  • “I’m sorry, Mr. Handicapped Man. Do you understand sign language? Can you read lips? Well, if you don’t answer me when I speak to you, I’m going to put my foot in your ass, is that clear dummy?” –Major Payne

Memorable Major Payne Quotes

  • “You’re still a shit sandwich. You’re just not a soggy one. From this moment, you are no longer turds. You have graduated to maggots!” – Major Payne
  • “Victory belongs to those who work the hardest.” – Major Payne
  • “You’ll get no sympathy from me! You want sympathy, look in the dictionary between shit and syphilis!” – Major Payne
  • “General, are you telling me that nowhere in the military is there any longer a job for trained human weapons of destruction such as myself?” –Major Payne
  • “From my heart, left ventricle; took it out myself with a field knife.” – Major Payne

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Major Payne Quotes
  • “Fighting is no longer being done out on the battlefields. Now, all the blood is shed in the halls of Congress, boys like us are becoming dinosaurs.” – Major Payne
  • “Fear is for the weak, we are soldiers.” – Major Payne
  • “Major Benson Winifred Payne: “Boy, I am two seconds from being on you like white on rice in a glass of milk on a paper plate in a snowstorm. I’m gonna put my foot so far up your ass, the water on my knee will quench your thirst.” – Major Payne
  • “What the hell was that you little f*ckle face cartoon? Did I permit you to sneeze, Opie?” –Major Payne
  • “You hit that boy again, I’m gonna do more than salute you.” – Major Payne
Memorable Major Payne
  • “From now on, my little group of shaved scrotum sacks, you will walk like me, talk like me, eat like me, and until you win those games, you will be bald like me.” – Major Payne
  • “You’re still a sh*t sandwich. You’re just not a soggy one. From this moment, you are no longer t*rds. You have graduated to magg*ts!” –Major Payne
  • “Nobody’s leaving here until you turds get this course down to 80 seconds.” – Major Payne
  • “Major Payne just terminated that bad man with extreme prejudice!” – Major Payne
Memorable Major Payne Quotes
  • “Courage cannot be bought, it must be forged.” – Major Payne
  • “I am not your damn brother! Now drop down, and give me 20 squat thrusts now!” – Major Payne
  • “I never said the family doesn’t break up. Don’t you watch Oprah? Did I permit you to sneeze, Opie? You suck it in, you big-earned turd, or I’ll kick your ass back to Maybury!” -Major Payne


We really hope you enjoyed these Major Payne Quotes and had a good laugh. It would be great if you felt like watching this movie too. This movie is loved by everyone, so it’s definitely a must-watch. Let us know in the comments section below how you liked our quotes and what your thoughts are on this movie. Thanks for taking the time to read these Major Payne Quotes!

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